I’m going to say a tradition has started between a dear friend and I, although it’s only the second year. It’s silly, really, to say that blocking off a full weekday needs to become a tradition so that we take advantage of the beautiful ocean in Rhode Island. But if you’ve never been, there’s definitely something magical about placing yourself in front of the massive expanse of the Atlantic Ocean on a hot summer day. The cool east coast water will shock your system, and then refresh you like nothing else!
Whenever I am in need of a reset, I must go to the water. Not just any water, it must be salty; and I must dive under it. Maybe because it always feels like a major challenge that I can get through and feel courageous. The pay off – the awakening it brings – cures just about everything.
A few weeks ago, I was in the lucky position to produce a multimedia event that led me to find a Rhode Island gem. A 68-year-old surfer from Rhode Island who has surfed everyday since his 20’s and who runs the world’s only winter surf contest in RI. He is also a member of the Surfing Hall of Fame. His views about the magical and powerful nature of the ocean were both profound and matter-of-fact. Clearly, there’s something about the ocean.
But there’s something else that happened that we can’t and don’t need to explain. It’s mainly because “it worked” the first time, and I dare say it’s going to work again. So, why am I telling you this?
Last year, at our First Annual Beach Outing, we noted that women were in groups, but the men were always with a woman.
I know, one day doesn’t make a verifiable experiment. But damn, where were all the men? (I can almost hear all the men shouting, “We’re working!” and yeah… that’s the whole point. Men are completely socialized to value their work over almost everything unless they’re taught that they too can have it all!)
I posted this last year:
“Yesterday, on the beach we got around to discussing where all the “enlightened” single men were. Because I know so many wonderfully strong single women who hang out with (mostly) women, and know other single women than single men. We began wondering where the groups of amazingly strong and enlightened men are.
This is NOT about looking for a date! This is about understanding where men are growing in their lives, and whether or not we can grow together. Where are men addressing the components of themselves? Physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual… Is it true that mostly women want to learn and grow throughout their lives, and men prefer to stay hidden? Is it true that men may want to grow into deeper versions of themselves, but don’t have access somehow? I say NO, but I also want…. wait for it…. to learn and grow and know more! Help us understand…”
Well, I got lots of responses:
“They’re all married because they got scooped up long ago; they’re out swimming; they’re biking… But I was happy those responses led to a much deeper discussion. Yes! We began the conversation.
It led us to understand what men do to understand themselves and to connect more deeply with others. Things like The Mankind Project, or Equus Events that improve emotional flexibility, among other ideas. It also highlighted what men do to avoid this learning.
It was a great conversation, and truth be told, we really did want to find a strong, emotionally willing partner, with all that a great partner brings to a relationship – we didn’t just want a date, we wanted it all! And here’s where the ocean’s magic comes in.
Within all of the external rumblings we had a few things going for us, and you can do it too!
- As coaches we are trained and we knew that deeply FEELING the feelings a great partner would bring was the precursor to anything else. So we went through those feelings.
- We relaxed into our body as much as possible. The main thing to remember is to get out of your thinking mind. This is so contrary to what we’ve learned throughout our lives, so it may feel strange at first. But you are smart and capable ;-).
- We described the partner we needed to become, in order to draw in the partner that could match that image. This isn’t about anything physical; it’s about the type of partnership we wanted to create: respect, intimacy, reciprocation, trust, things like that.
- The key is always to become that thing first. Everything I do in my life is a creation in my heart and mind first. Then I use my brain to take action based upon that inspiration. It’s the same for you.
- We feel it, say it, write it, read it, hear it, speak it, and infuse our words with trust.
- And then – the hardest part for most of us – forget about it! We put it out there into the wide vast environment above the ocean. It spreads across the world. We set it and forget it. We have opened ourselves up to a world of blessings and riches. And now our work is to stay aware of what is being revealed. (I do understand this may sound a little “out there” for many of you. But practice makes perfect.)
- We let go of the outcome, we keep doing what we love, and we continue to take exquisite care of ourselves.
Two weeks after that beach day last year, an amazing man showed up. “I am so intrigued by this man.” Yes, those are words I used over and over. I wanted to know more. And yet I stayed open to this reveal. Fast forward to one year later, he and I are in a partnership I didn’t think was possible in this lifetime. We’ll celebrate it next week.
So… Last week on our annual beach getaway, we called in another man for my friend, and we called in 20 new clients for each of us! I suppose this is part of the action in #4 above.
We have two more steps to go. I’ll keep you posted.
PS: Go to the ocean. It’s magic.